 ...a mop
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 ...shaped thing that on closer inspection turned out not to be the hamsters but a rare....
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isosceles triangle. That fooled the hamsters as they are crap at maths - everybody knows that. Not like gerbils - their prowess with algebra is well-recorded. Bellonda has a well-recorded facility for physics. . . it's called the Bellonda Institute of Physics. Shortened to BIoP. Tarquinne's little heart leaps when he walks through its portals.
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.jpg) But then he remembers he is crap at maths too and prefers hamsters, on toast, with chips! Better than quadrilateral equations any day,an' yer can pick yer teef wiv a rib afterwards.
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...and so the drooling Tarquinne went about the gory business of butchering the poor little.....
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...defenceless creatures. Mwahahahahah, mwahahahahah, he laughed his best maniac laugh. But, maths was not Tarquinnes only weak point. He'd forgotten the army of armed to the teeth mutant hamsters that CB conjoured up. Something told him to look behind himself...
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"Listen up Something, I'm not falling for that old pantomime gag alright" said the blood spattered Tarquinne returning to his grisly task.....
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But then something spoke to him and surprised him so much he jumped out of his...
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...apron with a girly squeal.....
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 ... and regretted not turning the girly-squeal-function button to 'off' on his new trainers. every time his feet hit the ground, "eeeeeeek", "eeeeeek". he was fed up. so, back to the list, he thought. next up for a good old cheering up session, is...
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 ... that old git of a pixie living in the dark, dark, dark, dark, dark forest. He'll know where that good wizard is." And with that he set off down the winding path into the forest.
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Oonly to find he had an old Etrex and not the Etrex HC...so as soon as he went under the trees, the GPS lost signal and....
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... he realised that the giant speaking spiders were coming ever closer! would he ever find balin, dwalin, wailin, eog, feog, and ugh before the light of middle earth failed completely!
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... and with one bound, he was free. Fin. Er, sorry. Wrong thread. That was meant for the Never Actually Getting Started thread  I'll try again. Whipping out his Fenix torch, Tarquinne realised that darkness was the least of his problems. Those damned spiders. He knew they would start chatting & then he'd never get away. Time to go, now!
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Eh...TTG appeared from nowhere and....
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... immediately disappeared back into nowhere. "That's a bit random," thought tarquinne, "I wonder where TTG went." A voice from somewhere, but no where specific enough to say where it was said, "I've gone no where!" "Hmm, that's odd" said Tarquinne, "because you're not here, so you must have gone somewhere. Oh never mind, I must get going." And with that he ...
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wandered off into the wood, muttering various metaphysical puzzles to himself...things like the questions...what colour is grass in moonlight....I am therefore I must be and...if TTg was there, but not there where the hell was he when suddenly...
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Bellonda said "Fancy a chip butty?" They struck up the Trangia and the TrangiaChipPan(TM) and made a succulent feast. "Just like the old days when we used to wild camp in the gullies of the Witches' Step" mused Tarquinne. "Not the same now you no longer dress as a nun though" replied Bellonda.
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Nuntheless. Said Tarquinne, true, true. Only 17 to go now, he thought. And then wondered why he'd thought that? Had that time spent in the hospital whilst they ostensibly removed his second dick actually been used to implant a random thought randomiser in his sad, wet, flabby excuse for a brain?
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Yes
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