Soapbox

ee

two...

...abort, abort...

Er, what exactly were these purchases then Alex?

(Well, lets see if I can get a post deleted for the very first time - or at least censored!)

The purchases were:

A pair of stainless steel "Police quality" handcuffs.

A rather large black latex dildo.

I didn't travel home with him (he went on a different flight), but I'd love to have been there when he went through Customs.

I'm glad they were stainless, there's nowt worse than rusty cuffs, I'm told.

no wonder you couldn't look her in the eye Alex!
If any one wants my wife's knickers they are quite welcome to them.

I can't get into them any more.

what I meant to say was they don't fit.

Fit her or you???

The real Hayley Dyer has tried to foil the Croteen by changing her password yet again!

An American friend of mine was given fluffy handcuffs as a present and gave them to her boyfriend. When he took an internal flight in the USA they were confiscated rather publicly.

The guards even asked them how he had intended to use them!
Ouch.

Did he tell them then? Graphically...

I managed to get arrested by Swiss police on a public indecency offence, by warring an Ann Summers Austin Powers “fem-bot” outfit to a fancy dress party in Geneva. It’s a long story and was I never was charged as such, just stuck in the back of the police car and driven home to change!

A friend of mine brought a whip along on a rather wild ski-ing holiday once. On the return flight her rucksack was mislaid. She went to report it to the airport staff:
"Was there anything distinctive in it?" they asked.
"Yes, a whip" she replied brazenly.
"A horse whip?"
"No silly, a person whip"
"Do you use it for beating children?!"
"No, of course not!"
By now her boyfriend was sheepishly looking at the floor and shuffling his feet uncomfortably. The official peered over his glasses.
"I see, well if we find it we'll let you know" he said.

A few weeks later she got a call from the airport. The rucksack had been found. She went along to pick it up and when she got there the staff were laughing and cracking jokes.

"Oh yes Miss, we've found the bag....and the whip. Interesting isn't it?"

She smiled sweetly and whisked the bag away. When she checked it later the whip was lying neatly furled on the top, not stuffed in any-old-how as she had left it.

I wonder what the staff had been doing with it :-)

The mind boggles but I'm not sure I want to hazard a guess at that one!

Making clotted cream for scones?