 Not anything to do with OM but I'd like advice. My Partner's daughter, (13 nearly 14 - thinks she's 18+), wants to get a 'bikini' wax!! She wants either a Brasillian or a Hollywood!! Going to Spain with her Father and Stepmother for a holiday. I and my Partner are not happy about this, we think she is to young for the likes of that. Maybe a 'trim', so not showing out side bikini bottom, but nothing more!! In MHO and my Partners, she is to young for the likes of "waxing". We think she should be at least 16 before she gets the likes of that. Her natural father doesn't seem to think this is strange. Will even pay for it!! I'd like to know what other parents think?............ Serious question, so no "funny" answers or I'll report to Jon and get thread blosked/ closed.
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I think it is appalling Husky - if my 13/14 year old came to me wanting any such thing the answer would be short and sharp. More to the point - as the is under 16 will any reputable establishment agree to this procedure? What I would do/your partner may do...is look at some of the health aspects with potential problems with trapped and retained hairs when they grow back. Google for ingrowing hairs/razer bumps/ here note particular problems in the pubic area and where covered by a bathing suit and bathing in not completely clean pools. One of my pupils came to me a few weeks ago - he had been away at Easter and had a temporary tattoo on an arm and nape of the neck. He developed a reaction and an infection - leading to scarring.
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GOM, I don't know if they are reputable establishments, but, apperently she knows where can get 'it' done, as some of her school friends, of same age have done so!! What their parent/s where thinking of, I just don't know. It's like what I thought when I heard about stores selling thongs to primary school girls!! WTF!! who in their right mind would think that is acceptable!! I know girls want to 'grow up' faster/earlyer than ever before, but there should be a point where certian things are too soon!! And I'll keep off the subject of the "sexualisation" of young girls. that's a different subject, to what I'm asking about.
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 My daughter is 13yrs and just starting to assert herself in the way she presents herself to the world (hair, clothes etc.).
Her father would hit the roof if she asked to do what your step daughter is suggesting.
Approaching it from a female/mother perspective-
1. Waxing hurts, bikini waxing hurts lots !! - does she realise this?
2. The hairs itch when they grow back in. -scratching herself in that part of her body (several weeks down the line) won't look cool !
3. If she needs to 'tidy up' -so bits of unwanted hair don't show when she wears a bikini, then a hair removal cream will achieve just as good a result (and is cheaper).
I agree that a 'fancy' waxing style is inappropriate at her age. Ask her who she expects to get to see it !!
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Well, if they arent reputable establishments, I'd ask what other corners they are cutting (like health and hygiene).... I'd also check with the relevant authorities - mmm..dunno about Niron, that would be environmental health maybe - as to regulations etc. Problem you really have HM is you cant say No...cos, bottom line (no pun intended) you aint her Dad...and if your SWMBO says NO, then its Dad against Mother - which might be what she is trying to organise really.. Me, think I would approach it like this. Tell her you arent happy - but you arent going to stamp your feet about it. Put it the way cathyjc did...and then ask her to do some research as to some of the infections etc (tell her she needs to know this...so if anything kicks off whilst she is away, she can txt you and you can make a Doctors appointment for when she gets back...no questions asked). Have you partner say...she isnt paying for it...but as a female and her mother, she will go with her to the establishment if need be. Then...your SWMBO has the chance to ask some pertinant questions - insurance, parental consents, professional qualifications etc etc etc) SWMBO might also look at this (my neighbour who is a therapist referred me to this) as to the profession bodies guidelines (about 1/2 way down) - which specifically advises NO to under 18s!
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 If my 13 year old step-daughters' father was offering to pay for her to have a Brasillian/Hollywood I'd expect her mother to be on the phone to Social Services (and the holiday to Spain might just be cancelled).
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Ask her who she expects to get to see it !! Precisely. And ask the father too.
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Part of the problem is her natural father only sees her about once every two months or so, depending when he is in country, his job takes him around the world and can be away for up to four months at a time. He is also a lot better off than us and never says NO, he will buy her anything she wants. I don't think this is to get 'back' at her mother, rather, trying to make up for the past. After she comes back there is always a "disagreement" with her mother, along the line of "but daddy let me stay up that late, daddy let me watch that". Daddy this, Daddy that, etc. As to who will see 'wax', I hope no one other than her step mother and step sister!!! Step sister is 19, and has only a younger brother, probabley 'looks up'to her, trying to copy her.
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Well, every home has its own rules and family morays. My kids have been grown for years and turned out just fine. I remember telling them on numerous occasions when still at home I was their father first and foremost before being their friend. Hopefully friendship would follow and in the end it did but our house and family rules were set down by myself and wife. Certain things were written in stone. Sometimes the kids didn't like it but, well, too damned bad; get over it. One statement they were never allowed to say while living in my house was, "It's not fair." I told them if they started looking for fair in life when they were young they'd be looking for it the rest of their lives. There is no such thing. Another thing I expressed to them was no matter how much I loved them and was willing to do for them, it was my job to teach them how to "get the hell out of my house." And that involved a whole lot of work on their parents part and occasionally a little dose of "tough love." We were pretty fortunate. All in all everything turned out just fine. Grandkids are a whole different story. No pressure, no worries; just spoil the hell out of 'em and send them home to their parents. Revenge is sweet.
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Well as far as I know it's to late....... The step sister got a 'kit' from a chemist and 'waxed' it for her!!! When her mother heard she hit the roof!! This was the day before they left. So her mother couldn't 'check' if this was true. I can only guess if true, their will be a few???? words said if so when they get home. I know, as it's not really up to me, I'm not the 'natural' parent, I don't have a reason to get involved in a "family" dispute, but I feel like beating the c**p out of her father for even thinking about letting her get a 'wax job' done. Her mother is furious and wants to get court to 'bar' any more access to his daughter.
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Hi, Huskyman.
I don't know the people and general relationships in the family but barring all access to her father is a every 'final' and potentially life changing step. The daughter could dump a load of recriminations on her mother later in life.
I'm sure your partner is, quite rightly, furious just now, but long term a bikini wax is just a bikini wax.
The real offence is going against her wishes and the adults involved have got to sort that out, without damaging the relationship your 'step daughter' has with her father
Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching but your post made it sound like things were a little 'fraught' in your house just at present.
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If it was a lad wanting his first shave a dad would be proud.
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 ALS - a lad wanting a shave isn't the same as a little girl wanting to pretty-up her private parts. WRT the comment about hair-removing cream - if anyone goes down this route, do a patch test on a non-pubic area first. I'm allergic to it in sensitive areas - thank the gods I found out by using it on somewhere that wasn't my lady garden!
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My kids have been grown for years and turned out just fine. I remember telling them on numerous occasions when still at home I was their father first and foremost before being their friend. Hopefully friendship would follow and in the end it did but our house and family rules were set down by myself and wife.
With respect, Daniel, the situation with step-families and their different rules and laxness is a completely different turkey and leads to much distress on the part of the more strict parents. In my kids' biological father's house, my "family rules" didn't apply and they got very confused at a sensitive time in their lives
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Ninja - when I was a lad a hairy chest was a desirable sign of masculinity; nowadays, judging by young lads at the gym, guys shave everything they can reach. Fashions change. No different for girls.
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 Cathyjc has the right idea. As teenagers start to assert themselves there will be a host of issues that arise. Your daughter may well not see a brazillian wax as a 'sex' thing. A lot of magazines will be telling her that to get ready for a holiday that'sjust part of the preparation. In the school where I teach the fashion is for extremely short skirts, but most of the girls don't see it as an issue- it's just what everyone is doing. One girl said to me' no-one will look at me- the uniform is bottle green (!)'. My sister went off the rails a fair bit when she was a teenager- one of my mum's big regrets is that they argued a lot about things that she realises now didn't matter- clothes/ hair piercings etc. The important thing is to focus on the personality of the person and to keep channels of dialogue open. Teenagers do expect discussion about things these days- that's just how things are. The issue is that she did it without telling you, but big arguments may well result in her doing everything without telling you- which is what I did.
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 This thread is simply wrong. As a divorced father myself, it has me worried. If i read on an open forum, my ex-wifes new boyfriend discussing my daughters intimate details, i would go apeshit. The new boyfriend would be eating hospital food for a while.
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 Absolutely Mike. I have a teenage daughter. There are some things her and I discuss and some things best left to her mother.
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 > The new boyfriend would be eating hospital food for a while. If I were the ex-husband, I'd like to think that I'd behave more responsibly, and try to agree common ground rules with my child's mother, rather than indulging my child's every whim because I feel guilty for the past. I share your unease about the thread, though. As for depilatory creams; read the small print about not using them in 'sensitive areas'... They're often nothing more than a hydroxide paste (potassium or sodium) in a nice-smelling carrier
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I think this thread has gone on long enough and have asked for it to be closed and removed. cheers Husky.
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