dumb shop assistants 'r us

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Alastair Dent
07/01/2003 at 14:49
Please send in your favourite quotes from clueless shop assistants.

My current one is from an assistant in Blacks:
Assistant "Can I help you?"
Me "Yeah, I'm looking for a soft shell jacket"
Assistant "What's that?"
Me "Stuff like Buffalo, you know, pile and pertex"
Assistant "What's Pertex? We have Goretex jackets. (said hopefully)"
Ninja Marmot
07/01/2003 at 18:16
(by boot fitting person)
(in BLACKS again!!!)

"What's an achilles tendon?"
John Corteen
07/01/2003 at 18:55
Why are you in BLacks in the first place???
Ninja Marmot
07/01/2003 at 19:20
(a) They had the Mountain First Aid Kit for half price

(b) They are the only place in Leeds that sell Sorbothanes in my teeny size

(b+) I was trying to find someone with the Salomon Pro Sticky Mids in stock 2 try on

...although when I asked the boot guy if they had them he sed 'All we have is on display.' - in other words, he didn't know and couldn't be bothered to look.
Dave Moseley
07/01/2003 at 22:40
Before I bought a Dri-climb, I asked in Cotswold if they had anything similar, (I wanted to see other manufacturers variations on the theme)
reply "what's that then?"
me "it's similar to the Buffalo system, but thinner, more suited to summer use, I think Buffalo do one" (bearing in mind Cotswold sell Buffalo and Mountain equipment)
reply "I'm not sure, I'll go and make a phone call"
me "do you have either a mountain equipment or Buffalo catalogue?, I can show you what I mean in there"
he goes for catalogue, comes back with MHW catalogue pointing at some very,very expensive windproof fleece, at this point I give up and walk out, and he was one of the more senior staff!!
Ninja Marmot
07/01/2003 at 22:48
Miller Brothers Electrical Store:
(when Long Play VCRs had just come out)

"How does this long play video machine work, then?"

"The machine stretches the tape inside and makes it twice as long."

HONESTLY!
James McNaught
07/01/2003 at 23:12
Yes, but some of the things they say may be on purpose, to relieve the boredom of being asked how goretex works for the hundredth time.
I have a mate who worked for a summer as a tour guide on Crete, and the guides had a weekly competition to see who could get away with the most outrageous fabrication.
If anybody ever tells you that Heraklion Airport had it's runway extended so that it could be used as an emergency runway for the space shuttle....
Glyn
08/01/2003 at 08:37
You think shop assistants are clueless?

I had a customer refuse to buy boots because the laces were 'boring'! When I offered to replace them he asked 'but will it affect the warranty'?
The guy looked like he'd stepped out of Ellis Brighams window.

I spent 30 mins explaining how an Etrex worked to a customer who then shuffled away muttering that his wife hated yellow!

Priceless.
Glyn
08/01/2003 at 08:47
A fellow assistant and I used to have a daily competition to see who could 'slip in' (fnar fnar) the most double entendres when advising customers.
What with tents that 'erect quickly' and 'I have a large black one (fleece) you can try' ...oh, such fun
Boris!!
08/01/2003 at 09:58
Not all assistants in blacks are useless brought Donna some new boots last week from blacks in Salisbury (well know for its mountainous areas) looked at the brasher freelite GTX which were half price. The assistant was very helpful and I was a bit shocked when he said they were only good for bimbles and proceeded to bend the boots in half which put me and Donna right off. Ended up having a good chat with the guy about scotland/alps etc and Donna got a pair of Ksb solitudes at the same price. Good bloke who obviously knew his stuff and wasnt going to sell us substandard boots that to be honest have put me off brashers for life!
Hedgehope Aztec
08/01/2003 at 10:17
Most clueless assistant/customer in a outdoor shop in Coventry (now defunct).

Assistant: Can I help sir?

Customer: Yes please, I'd like some boots, but I've never bought a pair before.

Assistant: What type of walking is sir going to be doing?

Customer: <Long delay> Mountaineering, yes, mountaineering that's what I'll be doing.

Assistant: Ah, you'll be wanting a pair of these then <pulling out a pair of Brasher Hillmaster's>
At that point I had to walk out of the shop as I was in danger of wetting myself.
I'm still waiting for the headline "Novice Mountaineer Climbs North Face of Eiger in Brashers".
Glyn
08/01/2003 at 10:27
Maybe the customer above (who'd never bought a pair of boots before) probably regarded 'mountaineering' as a stroll across Loughrigg for which a pair of Brasher H/Masters would have been more than adequate.

Surely someone about to embark on anything regarded as true 'mountaineering' should have some prior knowledge of the equipment required.
Dan G
08/01/2003 at 10:28
You see, Blacks has never been the same since I left and Cotswolds fired me, sniff sniff

BTW, I thought the Heraklion Airport extension was true?
Glyn
08/01/2003 at 10:32
i thought it was true also
Hedgehope Aztec
08/01/2003 at 10:49
To be honest, it looked like he'd just done his first bit of mountaineering climbing up the stairs to get to the footwear section.

As far as the Brasher's go I have to admit to owning a pair (now like atheists, no soles). They've taken me up the 3 peaks, the Ben via the Ledge Route, round the Ring of Steall to name a few, but I wouldn't buy anther pair.

James McNaught
08/01/2003 at 17:05
Completely not true, I'm afraid...
Made up by a bored bloke sitting in the front seat of a coach, wondering what else to say into his microphone...
James McNaught
08/01/2003 at 17:05
BTW, He's now a policeman....
Giles Thurston
08/01/2003 at 17:28
I recently overhead an assistant in an outdoor shop in Cambridge telling someone trying on a expedition pack that the best bit of advice they could give was to always buy a pack big enough to fit in their souvenirs!?
Ninja Marmot
08/01/2003 at 18:01
Funnily enough when I've been wild camping at Sty Head I didn't spot any souvenir shops!

(thank goodness)
Hedgehope Aztec
08/01/2003 at 18:12
No, people tend to leave a 'souvenir' of their visit there, yuck.
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