A big row broke out in the Irish Olympic synchronised diving team,after paddy accused mick of copying him.
Q. Why are shites tapered?
A. So your arse doesn't bang shut.
(sorry, I know it's juvenile humour, but I'm going for 1000 replies! )
What's the difference between an egg and a w*nk ?
You can beat an egg.....
I heard about an honest, selfless politician today
It had to be a joke
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
How do you make it last that long???
Trouble with the Work Experience kiddie yesterday ...
I thought it would keep him busy unpacking the stationery delivery. He asked "What shall I do with this roll of bubble wrap?", "Just pop it in the corner" I said. He was at it for three hours.
Olympic sailing results just in:
GB has taken gold, Denmark has taken silver and Somalia has taken an oil tanker and its crew
Was on my laptop last night and could have sworn I heard it singing 'Rolling in the Deep'. Then I realised it was a Dell.
A bloke is lying in bed, looking at his wife, and says 'You know, you remind me of the lottery'
She says 'Why, do you feel like you've won the jackpot?'
He says 'No, I wish you'd f***ing rollover'
No it doesn't.
Apparently, someone in London gets assaulted every 52 seconds.
I asked my husband for a boob job but he said no, "why don't you just go into the bathroom and wipe between your boobs with toilet paper twice a day instead" he said, "it worked for your arse"
I've just flicked the telly on and caught (seen, heard) this:
A patient visits their doctor and the doctor says, "I'm not sure how to tell you this, but you've got to stop masturbating."
"Why?", asks the patient.
"Becuase I need to examine you." The doctor replies.
Worth a smiley, surely?
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