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The OUTDOORSmagic Tarmac Code

How to avoid ending up as roadkill if you must take to the tarmac


Posted: 18 April 2001
by Tuffty

Taking to the tarmac? You're bonkers, but assuming you've taken government advice and fancy a stroll along the autobahn, here's a few tips to help keep you in one piece.

• Route choice - sounds obvious enough, avoid main roads. However, bear in mind, sometimes it's the bigger roads that have wide, safe verges, while narrow, twisty B roads with limited visibility can be lethal for pedestrians.

• Face traffic - try to walk on the righthand side of roads so that you can see oncoming traffic and take avoiding action if you have to. Don't assume that you're safe from traffic going the same direction as you however, an overtaking car can still hit you from behind.

• Bends - on blind bends, be pragmatic. It might make more sense to cross the road for greater visibility in some situations.

• Dress bright - you might want to blend in on the hills, but on the road, standing out is safer. Wear light colours, reflective strips and be seen.

• The sun - think about where it is in the sky. As a walker coming out of bright sunshine, you may be almost invisible to oncoming traffic. You might be better off walking on the other side of the road in this situation.

• Lights - if you think you might be caught out, consider both a head torch for the front person and a cycling-type red flashing LED for the tail end Charlie.

• Footwear - most walking boots have relatively little cushioning on the sole which, on the road, makes for a jarring and painful day. Because surfaces are even, you're much better off with a flexible, well cushioned running shoe or one of the popular cross trainers. Leave the boots at home.

• Furry dice - it might be tempting, but leave them to car drivers. They can obstruct your vision and look silly as well

• Cyclists - show some consideration for cyclists. They're as vulnerable as you are on the road, so make an effort not to force them out towards other traffic if you can avoid doing so.


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Good work, Tuffty! (Didn't you used to have just the one 'f'? Or perhaps you're a distant cousin of the other one?)

Anyway, just to add one or two important tips:

You'll need a smog mask, and the cycling-specific ones don't really work all that well. If you can get hold of an old wartime respirator in a junk shop, that ought to do the trick. The extra effort involved in breathing adds to the training effect, too.

Don't be tempted by wayside fruit, unless you like it served in a coulis of lead, Foot & Mouth disinfectant, and boy-racer piss. Ditto lightly-killed rabbuts.

Conversation with your companions is likely to be difficult or impossible over the roar of the traffic, so consider investing in short-range walkie-talkies or carry mobile phones. Or when you're in that junk-shop, see if you can find a couple of wartime bomber pilots' "whuffff-ghufff-naaaaar-roger" radios.

Hope this is helpful.

Posted: 19/04/2001 at 15:33

Thanks 'ghost', you seem kind of familiar with roads and their hazards. It seems rude to ask, but, well, presumably you were alive once, so, er, did...

Oh sod it, did you die under the wheels of some massive juggernaut? I thik we should be told, after all it might compromise your uncompromising view of roads.

Posted: 19/04/2001 at 16:53

The manner of my death has nothing to do with roads. I tragically slipped while descending the stairs, and twisted my ankle. I managed to crawl as far as the hallway, but starved to death before I could reach the kitchen. See my posthumous bestseller "Touching the lino", available in all good spookshops.

Posted: 20/04/2001 at 09:57

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