I was looking at my wife in bed the other night, and said 'you know, you remind me of the lottery'
'Why's that' she replied, 'do you feel like you've won the jackpot?'
'No, I wish you'd f******g roll-over'
For her birthday, my wife asked for something sleek, shiny, and goes from 0 - 180 in 5 seconds. I got her a set of bathroom scales...
My wife's furious...someone pinched a pair of her knickers from the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers, but wants the 6 pegs back...
Long time, no see!
I bumped into Bonnie Tyler at the weekend and asked her if she wanted to go for a coffee.
'What about Starbucks?' I asked.
'Nah, don't fancy that' said Bonnie.
'Nope, not there either.'
I was starting to get fed up. 'I'm running out of options Bonnie. Where will we go?'
She replied 'I'm holding out for a Nero...'
One of the Glazers was in Tescos and saw an old lady struggling with 6 bags of shopping. He asked her 'Can you manage?'
'F*** off, it's your problem...' she said.
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