Legendary outdoors chronicler Alfred Todger muses on the impact of climate change.
Muckthwaite, Friday 2 February, 2007
I don't much agree with climate change myself. A lot of it, if you
ask me, is psychochromatic or summat. Thing is if you don't believe
in it, how can it be happening. Leastways that were my attitude until
something happened that shook me like a drowned kitten, aye, to the
very core of my being.
Now, there's not many folk as knows this, but right behind village
shop in Muckthwaite lies the Muckhorn, a towering giant of shattered
rock and ice as looms over 4,000 metres above village green. Now for
some reason t'Muckhorn's been overlooked in favour of minor hills
like Ben Nevis, Snowdon and Shuttlingsloe, but it still has an
overbearing majesty as sweeps away all those that has seen it.
One of its main claims to fame has always been that it's t'site of
Britain's last remaining glacier, the awesome Muckhorn Gletscher a
tottering frozen torrent of ice blocks, cascading down from upper
slopes of mountain.
Leastways that were the case until last Tuesday. I often nip oop
to the glacier to check on some friends as I left there some years
back and what with the weather being unseasonably mild, I headed ooop
for a chat.
Well, you can imagine my surprise when I rounded corner by
Muckthwaite Arms to find massive, blue-tinted glacial lake where
village green used to be. Right huge it were and full of ducks. Well,
another five minutes walk and it were clear what had happened.
Glacier were nowhere to be seen, just a big mess of rocks and
sludge.
Clearly it had melted overnight. To be honest with you, I were
struggling to comprehend what had happened. It seemed inconceivable
that hand of man had undone this massive work of nature's hand. I
were so astonished that I headed to pub for a pint of Old Belter.
'It's greenhouse effect,' said young Bert Southwaite, 'that's
what's done it. Greenhouses have warmed oop entire world.'
I knew immediately what to do. Later that afternoon I grabbed some
half-bricks and headed down to allotments. It only took around ten
minutes to smash every greenhouse in the village. A job well done, I patted myself on
the back and headed off back t'pub.
Who knows how long the glacier may take to re-form - it could take months - but as I
staggered home six pints later, there were a definite nip in the air.
If only all problems were as easy to solve I thought wryly.
Alfred Todger
