Outdoors Diary - Friday 21 July, 2006

Muckthwaite, Friday 21 July, 2006

It's sweltering hot in Muckthwaite right now, temperatures have been as high as 49C, the highest level since records in the village began. Admittedly that were only last Thursday, but you just have to look at the village pond to appreciate how hot it is. Ducks in bikinis spontaneously combusting, it's unheard of I say.

Hot weather's okay for town folk, they just turn oop their fancy air conditioning systems and carry on as normal, but in Muckthwaite the heat wave has hit hard. It were all underlined by a moorland sheep fire last Tuesday. Turns out young Toby Douthwaite stubbed out a cigarette on a passing ewe, the smouldering butt set her fleece alight and what with the flocking tendencies of the muckles, it were minutes before the whole flock were ablaze.

The entire moor smelled of roast lamb and all you could see from the village were balls of flame racing across the skyline. Makes you wonder how many so-called UFO sightings are just burning sheep don't it?

Village life goes on despite the heat, though with one major difference. In Muckthwaite, come hot weather, we take nature's course and go naked about our everyday business. It's been that way for years, though it can take comers in by surprise.

The couple as bought the old barn up by Muckthwaite brook were a case in point, they popped into old Barry the butcher to buy some sausages on Wednesday and haven't been seen since. Barry reckons they've gone vegetarian.

That'd be a shame - there's a hell of a lot of flame-grilled mutton as needs eating this week.

Alfred Todger