Legendary outdoors chronicler Alfred Todger answers letters from his readers.
Muckthwaite, Friday 23 March, 2007
Normally, as you know, I like to talk about Muckthwaite, the moors
and their all encompassing natural beauty as flows over you like
organic hot chocolate sauce. This week however, I'm going to answer
some of the mail I've had from readers of OUTDOORmagic.
Colin Graystoke of Stoke asks exactly where Muckthwaite is. Well
Colin, Muckthwaite's tourist office is keen to keep the exact
location of the town a secret, however a search for Muckthwaite on
multimap reveals the following locations
and I can tell you now, that it's none of these.
Lucinda Padget of Cornwall asks which is my favourite season for
walking on t'moors. My answer is that such is the all-encompassing
beauty of the moor that each season has its own peculiar charms, from
spring when the rare sheep-eating orchids come into bloom through
summer with its disappearing tourists, through the autumn rutting
season and into winter when icebergs calve from Muckthwaite brook and
hurtle downstream towards the Atlantic.
Greg Baxter of Falkirk asks if I really murdered all those
adventure racers by directing them into Muckthwaite Pot? Greg, I'm
afraid that the matter is sub-judice at the moment.
Sarah Beanie from London asks what underwear I have on at the
moment? As I'm Muckthwaite born and bred, I'm wearing a pair of
y-fronts knitted from the finest wool of the Muckthwaite Muckles. Its
natural anti-microbial properties mean that garments made from this
fine yarn can be donned at the onset of winter and removed at the
start of spring.
Susan Vittery from Faringdon asks whether there is any paddling in
the Muckthwaite area. Susan, many of the youngsters paddle in village
pond and until Jack Horsethwaite's pirahnas escaped last year, it was
fine. Right now though, it's inadvisable.
Roger Trouton from Loughton wonders if I could send him the recipe
for the legendary Muckthwaite delicacy, the Mucky Pie. The answer
Roger is that the recipe for Mucky Pie is passed down from generation
to generation in Muckthwaite, so much so that local legend says that
if ever the recipe leaves the town, Muckthwaite and its people will
disappear beneath a flood of goose giblets, never to be seen
again.
Finally, Gary Giblet of Mounting Excitement outdoor clothing asks
whether I would ever consider becoming a sponsored athlete. Gary, my
answer now is the same as it were last time you asked - make me an
offer. I have my principles, but they're very flexible ones.
I'll be seeing you on the moors. Don't step on the grouse, they
make a terrible racket.
Alfred Todger
