Legendary outdoors chronicler and entrepeneur Alfred Todger comes up with a brilliant and innovative scheme to regenerate the lagging rural economy of Muckthwaite.
Muckthwaite, Friday 3 November, 2006
Now if you remember foot and mouth you'll know that rural economy
were hit bad and Muckthwaite were no exception - Mrs Jenkins as ran
Hill Farm bed and breakfast tested positive and had to be put to
sleep, reet sad it were and the end of tourism in the area.
But Muckthwaite folk are nothing but enterprising and encouraged
by a grant from the royal fella with the big ears, old Rory Buckfast
came up with the idea of Muckthwaite Spring. There were one fly in
t'ointment and that were that there ain't no spring in Muckthwaite,
but never one to be discouraged by technicalities like, Rory, piped
water from the boggy pools on t'moor, strained it through his wife's
old tights and sold it anyway. He should be out of prison in a year
or two and they say that the old couple from Rochester have made a
full recovery.
It set me thinking though and I came up with ingenious plan to
generate local revenue in a manner in keeping with the locality. Now,
while out walking, you may have noticed tiny cows in the distance, so
small you could pick them oop between thumb and forefinger and eat
them in a couple of bites.
Trouble is, when you get closer, you realise that they're mostly
gurt big animals that you can't manage in a mouthful. That's when I
came oop with idea for Muckthwaite Manor Snacksized Cows - the manor
bit is just to make it seem a bit posher like, you know, like Prince
Charles and his Dutch thing.
Anyways, the idea is to produce a miniaturised cow that you can
simply eat fresh from the field like a finger buffet snack. I'm
working with young Adrian Braithwaite, as has GCSE in genetic
engineering and first prototypes are due out in days.
It's all going reet well with different flavours planned to match
the packaging - so ginger flavoured highland cattle, cookies and
cream friesians and toffee flavoured jersey ones. Nice thing with the
highlands is you can use the horns as toothpicks if the hair sticks
in your teeth.
Once testing's complete, we'll be selling direct from our web site
at www.snacksizedcows.com. I'm reet confident that this could be a
new beginning for Muckthwaite and of course, potential's there for
other variants like snack-sized sheep or smokey bacon piglets, all
I'm saying is watch this space and look out for TV advertising campaign with Joanna Lumle..
Who says innovation's confined to big city? Move over Richard
Bryson with yer flash Hoovers, Alfred Todger is coming.
Alfred Todger
