|
This month Alastair takes us to the
Vertical Limit... Or maybe just the video shop...
|
|
|
'A furturistic journey
into an uncharted brain cavity' -
OUTDOORSmagic
|
'If it took you any closer to the edge, you'd fall off'
- Maxim
'If you can stay awake for the length of the film, you're
getting too much sleep!' -
OTH
Only kidding. Vertical Limit is a sensational triumph for
the climbing world and it's time the outdoor press paid more
attention to the No. 1 rental video at Blockbusters.
For a cutting edge action film, Vertical Limit is very
slow and surprisingly uneventful. At first, you'd be
forgiven for thinking that this makes it a crap movie. Then
you slowly realise that the director is in fact a genius
working in the field of social relations; I soon learned to
enjoy the long, sleepy sections of the film between the
random, disconnected stunts. They are the perfect length for
chatting with your friends and making toast.
|
'No
need
to faff about
with ropes and
ice screws
anymore, simply
detonate
the casualty
to safety!'
|
Not only is this film an unbelievable account of a gripping
mountaineering adventure, but it's also an education to the
world's mountain rescue teams. I recently heard that the RAF
Mountain Rescue will be taking several canisters of nitro
glycerin on all future Cairngorm missions - a great
incentive for mountaineers to stay out of trouble. The term
'Crevasse Rescue' is also being replaced in BMC manuals with
'Crevasse Blasting'. No need to faff about with ropes and
ice screws anymore, simply detonate the casualty to safety!
Marvellous.
Stuffed Golden Eagle On Strings
The choice of film location also deserves a mention. The
opening scene of a stuffed golden eagle on strings (rented
from one of Ray Harryhausen's 1950's Sinbad epics) in
Monument Valley shows an unparalleled knowledge of overused
outdoor locations, and a fine sense of humour. Like an
episode of Thunderbirds that stumbled into a Specsavers
commercial, the surreal undertone of black humour gets the
movie off on the right boot - for this video makes a much
better spoof than a thriller.
|
'A
much better
spoof than
a thriller'
|
The bit where the hero sprints off a mountain and leaps
across a void onto the sheer face of a free-standing rock
and ice pinnacle only to survive unscathed is seriously
funny. And as for the climbers who fall off an edge then
solo a frosty overhang, foot free, with gloves on - all I
can say is that I've started leaving my exercise bar in the
freezer overnight to practice chins-ups with my Gore-Tex
mittens on, should this self-same occasion arise at some
point in my climbing future.
The fluidity of the script is a tad confusing. How the
three climbing pairs take a gully, a ridge and a rockwall
respectively from the same starting point is fairly amazing.
The fact that some teams end up in the type of serac'd
glacier only found in valley floors when they're high on the
mountain also points a large ice axe at the presumed
ignorance of the viewer.
The Magnificent Seven Go Climbing...
Thanks to the lack of continuity of the whole thing,
there was at least something to follow and decipher from the
film, rather than trying to get into the characters of the
predictable cast or be absorbed by the arbitrary and
melodramatic Hollywood-esque series of events that barely
passes for a story. At one point the film's a bit like 'The
Magnificent Seven Go Climbing', before it quickly evolves
into 'The Insignificant Seven Do Silly Things With
Polystyrene and Explosives'.
And was that really Ed Visteurs, hailed by American mags
as the King of the Mountains? I'm not sure; the acting was
certainly smug enough for an accomplished ego. Sorry, did I
type that? I meant smug enough for an American. Thankfully,
those crazy Kiwis gave the film the authentic touch of
anarchy and alcoholism that lies deep at the roots of
conventional
|
'The
Bob Marley
flag, the male
chauvinism...
tall very
fitting'
|
mountaineering. The Bob Marley flag, the male chauvinism,
the immunity to altitude, everybody getting leathered the
night before an ascent - all very fitting for the average
basecamp of an 8000m peak.
Like many action movies the dialogue is pretty awful.
Although the line 'up there you're not dying, you're already
dead' filled me with such machismo that I had to go and
stand in the backyard, face to the wind, clutching my balls
for 10 minutes.
Five People Dangling From A Rope
Then there's the ground breaking stunts, no pun intended.
The realistic helicopter landing on a nine-foot ledge
half-way up a cliff face - surely this proves the conspiracy
theorists are right about the moon landing? Anything is
possible in a studio. The five people dangling from a rope
scene, alright it's totally unbelievable, but blimey if it
doesn't half get your palms sweating.
One accurate part of the film is the use of a famous
mountain for commercial gain. The evil Baron Von Make Some
Cash wants to utilise the mountain for his next marketing
campaign. Basically, the conceptual shot is of the man
himself stood on the summit of K2 as the flagship of his
airline soars over him. Just can't think where I've read
concepts like that before.
OK, so Vertical Limit is a bit of mountain farce and the
outdoor media ignored it. A controversial episode of Brass
Eye on Channel Four rattled the cages of a couple of
thousand people who promptly complained, and the sympathetic
mass-media made a big hoo-ha about how that nasty Chris
Morris had upset people. 500,000 protesters went to Genoa to
complain about global issues only to get assaulted by the
Italian Police and the mass media mades another big hoo-ha
about these 'hooligans'. Go figure. I guess the fact of the
matter is that people only cover things that somehow benefit
themselves.
OK Mr Blockbuster, I've reviewed it, do I get my free
year's membership now?
© Alastair
Lee is a climber, photographer and performer he's
currently working on his next show Made in China. Check out
www.posingproductions.com.
The Lee Side appears monthly in On The Hill magazine, our
off line print partners - ideal for reading at those times
when your monitor's out of reach.
|
