TV Star Walker Interview Scoop
A genuine scoop for OUTDOORSmagic
Posted: 6 March 2001
by Jon
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Henry The Hiker
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Price:
£1.95
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Weight: 107g (one size
only)
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Features
Embroidered nose, artificial bear fur, textured foot pads,
fabric knapsack with suede-look straps, rope, ice axe,
traditional Fair Isle patterned 'handknitted' jumper,
polyester fibre stuffing and guts. Also includes sketchy
teddy bear collection magazine, 14 pages long and aimed at
bear fans
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Good for: Serious
high mountain stuff, trekking, extreme rock climbing,
television appearances
Not much cop for: conversation, movement, holding
really big falls when climbing.
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Henry the Hiker - role model
or
role twaddle?
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Henry the Hiker is possibly Britain's most exposed walker right now.
Leaving aside the fact that he wears only a Fair Isle pully with
nothing to cover his nether regions, he's also the star of a major
advertising campaign for The Teddy Bear Collection.
Flattered to have such a well known celebrity in our midst, we
couldn't resist asking him a few probing questions:
OM: Henry, a lot of people would consider that wearing
only a hand-knitted, Fair Isle pattern pullover is setting an
irresponsible example to more impressionable walkers. Do you like
honey?
HH Yes.
OM Aren't you in fact just a bear in a pullover wearing
a cheapskate excuse for a ruck sack desperately trying to sell cheap
bears to a gullible public?
HH No comment.
OM And what's with the rope and the ice axe? We've
noticed that both are actually permanently fastened to your knapsack
rendering them virtually useless, what's more your axe has a pick
made of cheap, translucent plastic. It'd be better made out of
chocolate, at least you could eat it.
HH [says nothing]
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That axe is low grade plastic
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irresponsible? We think so
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OM Not only are you inarticulate you're not even
articulated.
HH [ends the interview]
So there you have it. Henry the Hiker, 'dressed in the fashion of
the 1920s when mountaineering first became a popular pastime'.
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Verdict: If you must have a bear
dressed as a 1920s hiker then I guess this is it, however at
a mere £1.95, the cost cutting is obvious.
Plastic-bladed axes and Fair Isle-patterned woolly pullies
are wholly inadequate for UK winter conditions. We also
noted that Henry's limbs are far from articulated making
even basic climbing moves difficult or impossible. Jettison
that useless axe and put something useful in the pack -
difficult as it stands as there's no opening - and this bear
might go somewhere. As it stands though, Henry the Hiker is
just an embarassing cosmetic excercise. We hate to imagine
what next month's offering, Alphonse the Artist, will be
like.
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Performance
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Value
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Pushed for
time:Teddy bear in fake walking gerar only costs two
quid odd, but the kit is just for appearances. The knapsack
has no opening, the ice axe is made of soft plastic and he
has failed to carry even the most basic of personal survival
kit. It explains why you don't see many bears walking in the
UK - most of them will either have succumbed to hypothermia
or died ice climbing. A shambles.
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Your Opinion Here:
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Discuss this story
would you like me to get my mum to knit you some fair isle pants for you henry? or would you prefer guernsey knit?
Posted: 06/03/2001 at 17:49
How do you hope to be able to self arrest with a plastic ice axe? It's obvious that you have absolutely no credibility as a walker and you're setting a poor example to boot. Jon
Posted: 06/03/2001 at 17:50
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